This was first posted in my Multiply site. I didn't intend to post it here because my boyfriend reads my blog whenever he uses the net. I didn't want him to know this because it sounds a bit childish and selfish. But I told him all about this entry already, and he laughed. His laughter wasn't sarcastic or anything...it just told me all I needed and wanted to hear. He really never ceases to amaze me with his unexpected responses to things. :)

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This all began when you let me read the plan list you typed in one of the computers in the CTC com lab. I was genuinely smiling and I was so proud and happy of the things and plans that you wrote and conjured in your mind, whether they may be really what you'll do after you graduate. I hugged you and told you how proud I am of you, sunshine, and how excited I was to see you do all these things that you wrote. You told me "Bola lang yung iba diyan...as if naman kaya ko."

I believe in you, even though you tell me off many times. I always knew you were really smart and wise, though you tell me I'm smarter than you. You can do a lot of things, and your potential can bring you to the far and beautiful places we could only go to when we talk about them in our little conversations in the Berch benches. I really wanted you to be great and to be all you can be. I want to see you be really successful, to be up there, because you can do it. Don't tell me you can't, because I love you, and I know you can.

You told me you knew how much I love you and how much you make me proud and happy. But in a crevice deep in my heart I keep fear that you can't seem to chase away, sunshine. I'm sure you don't know this, and this causes me a great deal of sadness sometimes. The moment the white computer screen carried your words of wisdom, happiness and pride to my eyes, my eyes stung and were close to brimming with tears.

At that moment, I really wished that I read my name in your list.