even without a coat...he looked so handsome. he looked sharp. he seemed deserving of that prom prince title.

he was so quiet...I didn't see him talk so loud in normal conversations with others like in school. if he did, it was with his friends who'd like to see him take on a wresting match with a long-sleeved polo on...but...there was something different about him that night.

as I was dancing with other guys, I usually saw him (even without my glasses on) walking around...talking to raphael. i felt something strange.

he's going for quinnia...and he's nervous. good luck sayo.

but things weren't what I expected.

that night...that noisy, sweaty (especially during his games with his friends), normally insensitive and outgoing guy asked to dance with me. but I saw something different in his eyes. for the first time...i saw that he was nervous...he was shy. he was laughing, but his laugh wasn't of joy..he was trying to hide something.

i really don't understand it...but i felt very weak. i tried to be strong that time...but I really felt that I was about to cry any minute. my knees were shaking. it was only the fast song that came in after he took my hand for a dance and his nervous laughter relieved me. when we talked..it felt like the very first time i heard his voice and his laughter. i really missed his voice...it calmed me.

i was very happy..and at the same time, worried and sad. i really felt that moment was the last time i'm going to have a conversation with him. a conversation that lasted for 12 minutes...a conversation where we met eye to eye and talked like we used to back then.

the fast songs ended, the slow song started to play.

"O, ayan, mabagal na. pwede na ba?"

he faced me, took my hand, but his hand on my waist. my hand went to his shoulders. his hand felt warm on my hand...and really felt that tears were coming any minute.

why am I about to cry? did i wish of hope for you this much?
but i stopped wishing for you. i stopped hoping. i just waited till i landed and fell hard...without anyone catching or helping me stand up. i lived...survived each day without crying hard for you. was i to break down now in front of you?

the song nears its end. fear rose to my eyes...and i felt that you have seen it. as the final chord struck, you let me go. i took a step backward and looked through your eyes.

goodbye...goodbye.

as tears were to fall from my eyes, i did what my heart was dictating me to do. i took that step forward and leaned close to your ear.

"I love you...I love you."

i took a step back, turned my back from him and walked away. i didn't want to see his reaction. his face. his eyes.

you may think that I'm just a girl imagining things...or I'm just telling a one-sided story about the things that happened that night.
but i'm not. i saw what i saw in his eyes...

and i fear he saw things in my eyes too.

i did what my heart was telling me to do.

it reminds me of the quote i saw written on darwin 3's chalkboard. it says: