I once said to a friend that if the time comes when I can smile at you, then all my feelings are gone.

Now I realize that I lied.

I just decided just weeks ago to stop this foolishness. I decided that I wanted to bring back the happy person I was. I resolved that I must smile at you when you pass by, to greet you whenever I meet you at the corridors. I just felt that I must get rid of the wall that I built to shield myself from the agony of loving somebody.

I must love again as if I will never get hurt.

I started to act the way I acted towards you when we were just sophomores. I now openly show to the world all the things I can't and won't do before. I announce to the world that I care about you. I smile whenever you cross my mind. I can now announce to the world how much I love you.

Every morning, I now feel the urge to get up and go to school because I know that I'll be seeing you once way or the other. Maybe I'll see you during your elective, or maybe I'll see you eating in the canteen. Maybe I'll hear your voice. Maybe I'll hear you laugh.

I now feel what I felt two years ago. The feeling I thought I'd never return to. Everyday, I see that saccharine smile that once graced my face.

But at the end of the day, I return to my sad state of melancholy. Then I ask myself.
Miles, why do you do this?

Why?

High school graduation is coming near.

College is right just around the corner.

I'm reducing the shock.

I don't want to feel regret. Regret over the things that I should have done.

Why?



I'm preparing to say goodbye.